Long Winter

I guess I've been feeling pretty down lately.

Trying to remember the love I have around me and the luck and faith in my life has been a conscious effort, but it's one I know I have to carry on. I give myself a few days or a few hours to mope my way about and deflate, and then I think about how silly it is to feel this way when I've got so much on my side. My friends, who bring life into me and push me to grow; my sister, who is now a friend to me after spending so much time at odds with each other; the combined efforts of my parents (and my strained relationships with each of them) and my best friend that have kept me from losing my home. There is too much good with me to fall from such great heights. Awful things sometimes happen to me, but I'm not in a war ravaged country and I have somewhere to sleep at night. I go to sleep with a full belly and I have my freedom. Even though things are getting worse, I need to remember to be thankful for what I do have.

Admittedly, I start to sound like my parents when I say these things to myself, but perhaps they were right back then. I've come to learn many hard truths as I've come up these last few years, often times being that my parents weren't crazy adults who "just didn't get it," at least not all of the time. And of course, it can't be ignored that there are reasons to feel this way sometimes. I can't plug my ears and pretend there is not a collapsing government around me, that I didn't lose my job in a very shitty manner, that I have stresses in my life that often make it hard. But not seeing the goodness around you is exactly how these things will break you.

Summer is here and the heat is scorching, but my head has been trapped in this winter fog for ages.

In a few days' time I will be on a beach, baking in the hot Sun and laughing with my family. They will drive me crazy, but I'll have a wonderful drunken time with them all the same.

As per usual, I am hoping the Salt will cleanse me of my troubles.